Growing up in a Caribbean household, there were plenty of rules to abide by. From how you spoke to your parents to how social with others you were allowed to be. Lekol, legliz, lakay (school, church and home) this was a way to ensure you were not "in the streets" being a vagabon (thug). In addition to this we were continuously told no matter what, your parents were always right there was no argument in that. The mere thought of even talking back or voicing an opinion was labeled as being disrespectful and disobedient. Essentially speaking having a mind of your own and voicing opinions was out of the question.
Now this brings me to my next topic at hand... one of the most judgmental aspects that came with most Caribbean parents is the constant reminder that you are not where they want you to be in life, whether it is financially, career or education wise. Now the argument can be presented that it's because they want the best for us. That is fine and dandy, as most parents want to see their children succeed and go off to do and be great things. But must I continuously hear about Greg, the son of your friend and how he is living and what he has accomplished, or how Cassandra has gotten married and will be having children in a year.
Someone please explain to me the reasoning behind comparing your child's life to someone else's child. I have noticed a true lack of motivation from our parents but it seems the comparison is their form of motivation to us. In their minds if someone else can do it, why can't we?
Over the years I've allowed comparisons to create a voice in my head that lacks positivity. It says "no matter what you do they'll never be proud", it screams "why even bother they'll just compare you to someone else."
Just to make it clear I am generally speaking and this isn't towards all Caribbean parents. Communication probably is one of the hardest things to accomplish as far as sharing our feelings or thoughts on certain matters without it turning into an argument. Reason for that is from childhood we are told to do as we are told without questioning anything. As an adult now I have learned being expressive in a respectable manner is required when speaking to my parents. It has helped build a better relationship between us because I speak freely on subjects that I feel tear me down instead of lift me up mentally. In order for us to break generational behaviors we have to be change we needed all these years.
My life should not be a mirror image of someones life. We are individuals who come from different upbringings and some times different opportunities. So I say again I am not them, so please stop comparing us.
With Love,
K
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